TikiZone

Peru - May 98
Hold on this is a big one - 0.6 mg
THE PALEST GUY IN PERU - PERU, WHAT I DID, SAW, AND MET
GENERAL NOTES;
1. THERE ARE ONLY 4 BEERS HERE, BREMMAN, KRISTAL, PILSEN AND CONSQUENA, IMPORTS WOULD BE TO EXPENSIVE, SO I STICK WITH PILSEN AS IT IS A VERY TOLERABLE ALE.
2. LIGHT HAIRED, BLUE EYED MEN ARE QUITE THE FAD HERE, KINDA MAKES YOUR EGO SKYROCKET. E-TICKET BABY.
3. THE TOILETS HERE DONT REALLY FLUSH OPPOSITE OF THE NORTHERN HEMISPHERE AS I HAD HEARD, THEY MORE OR LESS GO STRAIGHT DOWN, I WAS KINDA DISSAPPOINTED BY THIS.
4. PERUVIAN CORN IS A MUCH LARGER CURNEL THAN U.S. ABOUT 3 TIMES THE SIZE, AS A RESULT THEIR POPCORN IS MORE OF A FRIED CORN, VERY GOOD. RATHER THAN DRYING OUT THE CORN THEY FRY IT RITE OFF THE COB AND DO NOT LET IT POP, THEN SALT IT, MMMMM.
5. THEY LOVE POLLO (CHICKEN) HERE, I MEAN LOVE IT. A CHICKEN JOINT ON EVERY CORNER.
6. CONTRARY TO WHAT YOU MAY THINK, THIS PLACE IS NOT ALL THAT CHEAP. EVERYTHING IS ABOUT 30% CHEAPER HERE THAN IN CHICAGO, SO IT'S LIKE GOING TO PEORIA. AS MOST OF THE POPULATION MAKES BETWEEN 250-500 U.S.D. A MONTH I DO NOT SEE HOW THE MAJORITY OF THE POPULATION KEEPS UP.
7. MONEY HERE IS IN SOL'S, 2.8 SOL'S TO THE DOLLAR, FOR THE MATH ILITERATES THAT IS ABOUT 33CENTS PER SOL. ON AVERAGE A BEER COSTS 6 SOLS, 2 BUCKS.
8. EVERYONE HERE LOVES THE HORN IN THEIR CAR, AND USE IT PLENTY TO TELL YOU HEY!!! I'M OVER HERE. RULE OF THUMB FOR DRIVING, WHO'S EVER BUMPER IS AHEAD OF YOU HAS THE RITE OF WAY.
9. YOU SEE ALOT OF MILITARY GUYS STANDING ON THE CORNERS WITH UZI'S, DO NOT BE AFRAID.
10. I CAN FIX PERUVIAN PLUMBING, THEY WANTED TO CALL A PLUMBER I SAID, HECK I'LL FIX IT, DUNNO IF THAT IMPRESSED OR SHOCKED THEM, IS IT CONSIDERED MENIAL HERE? DO NOT KNOW.
12. CARS ARE VERY SMALL HERE, BOB IS 6'-2" AND COULD NOT FIT IN MOST CABS.
A JOB FOR EVERYONE
THERE OUGHT TO BE ZERO UNEMPLOYMENT HERE, IT SEEMS THEY HAVE A JOB FOR EVERYONE, ALL THE SIMPLE TASKS ARE BROKEN DOWN AND PAID FOR
ABOUT CARS
THERE IS A GUY THAT WILL HELP YOU FIND A SPOT, AND DIRECT YOU IN. THERE IS A GUY THAT WILL RENT THE SPACE TO YOU. THERE IS A LADY WHO WILL WATCH YOUR CAR FOR YOU (PAYMENT AT END). THEN THERE IS THE KID WHO WILL WASH YOUR CAR WHILE YOU ARE AWAY. WHEN GOING TO THE GAS STATION, IT IS FULL SERVICE(BUT OF COURSE) EXCEPT THAT EVERY GAS ISLAND HAS IT'S OWN ATTENDANT. RATHER THAN GET A GARAGE DOOR OPENER THEY JUST HAVE A GUY WAITING FOR YOU TO GET HOME.
RATHER THAN GET A BACO(MECHANIZED DIGGER) THEY HAVE 8 GUYS WITH SHOVELS.
RATHER THAN STOP LITES, GUY WITH 2 FLAGS (LITES COST ABOUT 30K U KNOW)
RATHER THAN SECURITY ALARMS, AN ARMED GAURD FOR EACH HOUSE.
THERE IS A QUICKIE MART AT EVERY INTERSECTION. FLOCKS OF PEOPLE SELLING WHATEVER TO YOU WHILE IN YOUR CARS.
THE FLIGHT WENT PRETTY QUICK, I GUESS DRINKING WITH YOUR BUDDIES HELPS U LOOSE 5 HOURS QUICKLY, SO GEORGE, BOB, CARL AND I ARRIVE.
DAY 1 ARRIVED THIS EVENING AROUND 10:30 PM, NOTHING EVENTFUL HAPPENED AT THE AIRPORT, EXECPT THAT OF THE FOUR I CAME WITH I WAS THE ONLY ONE SEARCHED, HMMMM?. BUT THAT WAS OK THE SEARCHER WAS KINDA CUTE. WENT TO GEORGE'S AUNT'S HOUSE, MET TIA(HIS AUNT), G.C.(HIS CUZ), ALEX(CUZ), PILLAR(HIS SIS.). THEN WE DECIDED TO GO OUT ON THE TOWN, WENT TO THE EDGE(SOUNDZ KINDA AMERICAN EHH?). HAD SOME BEERS ( THERE ARE ONLY 4 BEERS HERE, BREMMAN, KRISTAL, PILSEN AND (I FORGET), IMPORTS WOULD BE TO EXPENSIVE, SO I STICK WITH PILSEN AS IT IS A VERY TOLERABLE ALE). SOON CARL'S HORMONE'S GOT ITCHY AND HE INSISTED WE MINGLE. SO WHO ELSE TO MEET BESIDES THE HELP? MET ALL THE SHOT GIRLS, ENGLISH AND NON ENGLISH. SO CARL AND I HAD A SEAT WITH TWO OF THEM, ONE SPOKE ENGLISH, ALYSSIA AND JEN, WENT OK, CARL AND I HUNG OUT WITH ALYSSIA(A RATHER AMAZONIAN BLACK CHICK) AND SOON FOUND MY SPANISH TO BE LACKING QUITE A BIT. LEFT THE EDGE AT ABOUT 5:30, BUT NOT WITHOUT MAKING LUNCH PLANS WITH THE GIRLS FIRST. AS WE LEFT WE MET THE LITTLE BEGGAR KIDS FOR THE FIRST TIME, SO I SCREWED WITH THEM, GAVE NOTHING THO. WE THEN ATE AT A NICE LITTLE ROADSIDE OPEN CAFE, VERY GOOD (PHOTO TO FOLLOW), THEN WENT HOME AND SLEPT. LESS THAN 12 HOURS IN PERU AND I FEEL I SHALL LIKE IT HERE.
DAY 2; WOKE UP TODAY FEELING GREAT AT ABOUT 10 AM, THE ABSCENCE OF A/C DID NOT EFFECT ME AS THERE IS NO HUMIDITY HERE, IT NEVER RAINS, LIMA IS BUILT UPON A DESERT. THE REST OF THE COHORTS ARE STILL ASLEEP, SO I SHALL WANDER. I AM JUST NOW REALIZING THE OPEN FLOOR PLAN OF THE HOUSE I AM STAYING AT, ALL ROOMS OPEN RIGHT OUTSIDE, NO SCREENS OR ANYTHING. WHICH LED ME TO INVESTIGATE, WHAT ABOUT BUGS? THERE ARE VERY FEW, MOSTLY CUZ OF THE LACK OF WATER, AND PARTLY BECAUSE OF ALL THE POLLUTION. YES MASSIVE POLLUTION, LIKE IN LA, LIMA IS IN A VALLEY BETWEEN 2 MOUNTAIN RANGES AND THE SMOG HAS NOWHERE TO GO, BUT UNLIKE L.A. THERE IS NO EPA HERE, CARL AND BOB ARE HAVING TROUBLE BREATHING, I GUESS I GOT LUCKY. BY THE TIME EVERYONE ELSE HAD AWOKE THE MAIDS HAD MADE US ALL LUNCH SO WE ATE AT TIA'S HOUSE(HALF FORGETTING THE LUNCH PLANS OF THE PREVIOUS NIGHT). THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE WHO WORK IN THIS HOUSE SEE, MY JOB FOR EVERYONE PART(TO COME). THE HOUSE I AM AT IS VERY NICE , IT HAS A POOL, ROOF DECK BIG BULL DOG, AND PLUMBING. WE THEN HEADED OVER TO MIRA FLORES AND WALKED AROUND TO SOME MUSEUMS, TRINCKET SHOPS, ETC. THE USUAL. FOR DINNER WE HIT A PLACE CALLED BOHEMIA, A UPSCALE NOUVO CUISINE JOINT. HAD ME SOME BITCHIN SWORDFISH, BUT THE BEST THING I HAD WAS A PISCO SOUR, HAD HALF A DRINK AND WAS DRUNK (PISCO SOUR-EGG WHITE, BROWN SUGAR AND PISCO BLENDED). LOOKED AT CHICAS WITH CARL AT THE BAR AFTER DINNER, THIS WAS THE FIRST REALIZATION BY CARL AND MYSELF THAT LITE EYES ARE RARE HERE AND THE CHICS SEEM TO LIKE IT. MET G.C. AND PILLAR AT A JOINT CALLED DELIRIUM, A HOLE IN THE WALL COLONIAL BUILDING WITTH THE DANCING ALL ON TOP OF TABLES. THEN G.C. AND PILLAR AND HER FRIEND ROCELLE DECIDED THEY WANTED TO GO TO THE EDGE. WHEN WE LEFT THE BEGGAR KIDS WHERE OUT AGAIN, SO I KEPT TOSSING CHANGE INTO TRAFFIC TO GET RID OF THEM (IN BRAZIL THE POLICE GO OUT AT NIGHT AND SHOOT THESE KIDS CUZ THEY ARE SUCH A MENACE). NOT FOR LACK OF EFFORT, CARL ONLY GOT A PECK ON THE CHECK, THOSE CRAZY CONSERVATIVE PERUVIAN WOMEN. PECK 1.
DAY 3; WOKE UP FEELING GREAT AGAIN, I LOVE MY COT AND WINDOW. FOR LUNCH GORGE AND I HIT A PERUVIAN FISH HOUSE, MOST EXCELLENT, THOUGH I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I HAD. WENT ON A LARGER TOUR OF LIMA, VERY DIRTY PLACE, POLUTTED AND VERY VERY POOR, MAKES ME SUPER RICH THO. LOTS OF MODERN ARCHITECTURE, NOT LIKE THE U.S.. FOR DINNER HIT THE CHICKEN HUT THEN WENT OUT TO MAMUT - A TECHNO ALTERNY JOINT. WE HAD ORIGINALLY SHOWN UP THERE WITH G.C., ROXCELLE, AND PILLAR BUT THEY LEFT AS THEY HAD A WEDDING THE NEXT DAY, AND CARL GOT PECK 2 FROM G.C., SO CARL MOVED ON, FOUND HIMSELF A LITTLE BARTENDER TO HIT ON. HE CAME UP TO ME AND SAID SHE WAS AN ARTIST AND THEY WERE GOING TO DRAW SOMETHING FOR EACH OTHER, THEN HANDED ME A PEN AND PAPER. SO I DECIDED I WOULD WOW HER FOR HIM, I DREW A TALL TOWER WITH A 4 SIDED HIP ROOF ON TOP, AND AT THE BASE OF THE TOWER WERE 2 SMALLER BUILDINGS, ONE ON EACH SIDE. SO WHAT? WELL BASICALLY IT WAS A GIANT PENIS BUILDING. HEHEHE. THEN CARL NOTICED SANDRITA, AHH SANDRITA. A SHORT HAIRED, WELL ENDOWED, 19 YEAR OLD, IT WAS LOVE....... BOB TALKED ALL NIGHT WITH SANDRITA'S FRIEND XIMA(ZIMA). THEY BOTH THOUGHT I LOOKED LIKE A NEW KID ON THE BLOCK, SO OF COURSE I HAD TO DO A SHOW AND DANCE FOR THEM. WE WENT UP TO THE TECHNO AREA AND SWANG. SWEAT A LOT, LEARNED I WAS PRETTY O.K. AT TECHNO DANCE. DOWNSTAIRS CARL GOT PECK 3 FROM SANDRITA. ALL IN ALL A VERY FUN NIGHT.
DAY 4; I WENT TO DOWNTOWN LIMA TODAY, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A COLONIAL AREA, BUT AS I FOUND OUT IT WAS JUST A BUNCH OF GENERIC GOVERNMENTAL BUILDINGS, AND A HOLE BUNCH OF PO PEOPLE, NOT TO EXCITING. SO I HAD CHINESE FOR LUNCH, JUST TO SEE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE, IT WAS NOT VERY GOOD, I WOULD PUT IT AT THE LEVEL OF MIAMI CHINESE FOOD. SO THIS COUNTRY IS VERY THIRD WORLDISH, LOTS OF HAVE-NOTS AND A FEW HAVES. TOMMORROW I LEAVE FOR MANCHU PICCHU, TONIGHT WE WILL BE MEETING CARL AND BOB'S WOMEN, SO THERE WILL BE LITTLE TO TALK ABOUT. CARL TRIED AND TRIED BUT STILL ONLY GOT A PECK(4?) .
DAY 5; WOKE UP VERY LATE, SO GORGE AND I WENT DOWN TO SOUTH BEACH, 45MIN SOUTH OF LIMA, AS THE WATER IS CLEANER THERE. DROVE THROUGH 10-20 MILES OF SHANTY TOWNS, IT WAS VERY KOOL. THE BEACH WAS A SERIOUS DISSAPPOINTMENT. SO WE WENT OFF ROADING ON THE SIDE OF A CLIFF. CAME BACK AND WENT OUT WITH THE GIRLS FOR DINNER, IF YOU CALL COW HEARTS AND INCA KOLA DINNER. THEY DROPPED BOB AND I OFF AT THE AIRPORT SO WE COULD CATCH OUR FLIGHT TO MANCHU PICCHU. THE FLIGHT GOT CANCELLED, NOT ONCE , NOT TWICE, BUT THREE TIMES OVER THE NEXT DAY AND A HALF. AHHHH THE THIRD WORLD. TURNS OUT THE TRAINS THAT RUN TO THE RUINS WERE WASHED OUT BY EL NINO ANYWAY SO IT IS GOOD THAT WE DID NOT GO. AND THE AIRLINE PUT US UP FOR 2 NIGHTS. THEN IT HAPPENED, THE ONE THING YOU NEVER WANT.....THE SHITZ.
NOT MUCH ELSE FEW MORE DAYS, SAME OLD SAME OLD, I LIKE IT HERE, THO IT IS DEPRESSING. THE BEST PART ABOUT TRAVELING IS NOT WHAT YOU SEE, I BELIEVE IT IS MORE, WHO YOU MEET. I LIKE MEETING THE NATIVES, NEVER MET A MEAN PERSON HERE, EVEN STUMBLING HOME DOWN THE STREETS AT 6AM. AS A SIDE NOTE; MET 2 INTERESTING AMERICANS HERE, THEY TURNED OUT TO BE WITH THE STATE DEPARTMENT AND WERE SOME OF THE HOSTAGES TAKEN BY THE MRT BACK IN XMAS 96', THEY HAD NOTHING GOOD TO SAY ABOUT PERU, HATED IT, THEY ALWAYS GOT SHOT AT AND ROBBED. THEY HAD 2 SECURITY CARS FOLLOWING THEM AT ALL TIMES, EVEN WHEN THEY WERE WITH US. BUNCH OF PARANOIDS. I JUST SAID YA BUTT YOU GUYS ARE THE 'MAN', WE ARE JUST SLUDGE WHO'S GONNA SCREW WITH US? TURNS OUT THE DAY AFTER WE GOT HERE A BUNCH OF AMERICANO'S WERE ROBBED AND BEATEN OUTSIDE THE AIRPORT, LET'S HEAR IT FOR KARMA.....YEEEHAAWWWWW!!!!!!!

Written by Nels Dahlquist — May 12, 1998

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